vulva mapping / yoni massage

This is one of my favourite sessions to offer to clients.

Most people have the lived experience of touching their genitals in either very specific goal-oriented ways, or not at all. When we go to receive massage, our entire pelvis is overlooked. The part of us that literally holds up all of our organs all day long. Our root, the place where alignment supports us in feeling secure, stable, and safe, is holistically ignored. When we DO pay attention to our genitals, it is often the same arousal-based and climax-oriented space.

The mapping process slows EVERYTHING down. It is an invitation for you to feel MORE of your pelvis, your hips, your inner thighs, your inguinal crease. It is mindful and present touch that is communicative. It pays attention to tight spots where your body is holding tension. It invites pleasure into the experience of undoing those tight spots and creating more space for energy to move through your body.

As we create our orgasmic pleasure patterns through our life, we are creating exceptionally strong neurological pathways. Imagine walking through the woods on a trail that has been walked by thousands of feet before yours. It is easy, cleared, you can get to where you want to go faster than veering off of the path. And what happens when you DO veer off the trail? Maybe you find mushrooms to forage for, maybe you catch a glimpse of some wildlife, maybe you discover a secret pond?

We have these magnificent and complex and challenging bodies that we get to experience being alive as a human being on this planet. That is the game. We just get to be a human. These bodies are our intrinsically wired computers that didn’t come with a manual, but we slowly can learn to comprehend and listen to how we intend to move through this world, instead of moving how capitalism and patriarchal systems tell us to move.

By igniting and releasing your genitals, your pelvis, (and your anus, too, if you feel so bold!), we are igniting life force energy into our bodies. We are igniting pleasure, emotions, excitement, grief, joy, sorrow. We are releasing whatever has been stored in this part of your body your whole life and inviting your pelvis into the conversation.

Our holes are our portals, from the ethereal to the physical. So many forces are up against us to forget the quantum access we have as physical beings. Pleasure is revolutionary.

One Night Stands

I have a warm fondness when I recollect the series of short-term experiences I’ve had with people whose names I cannot remember, whose faces I would not recognize. My journey of ~Sexual Liberation~ began with a clunky Olympic dive into the deep end of body-to-body engagement (aka, I had a lot of sex with a lot of different people on many different occasions). I was faced with some truths about myself… I love attention, I love touch, I love secrets and intimacy and magic and one-on-one interactions, I quickly realized that dating was like choreographing my perfect blend of ingredients.

Most of my One Night Stands were alcohol-infused; the “liquid courage” inspired action that perhaps wouldn’t have been acted otherwise. As I leaned into consent conversations, I became wildly aware that there were two different stories happening. And in such a realization came the almost daunting understanding that perhaps I had not been in my full consensual self for many, many years. This is a pretty big thing to hold. Because no, I don’t think I would’ve had sex with John, Joey or Jessica if I was sober. And yes, I think I was attempting to meet the desire for attention, touch, secrets, intimacy and magic with casual sex. AND…

I would love to rewrite this for anyone else struggling to hold their own actions that may not have totally aligned with your truest desires and boundaries.

One Night Stands were my practice arena. I learnt what my hard No’s were, I learnt what excited me and interested me. I learnt about polyamory, about kink, about presence. I learnt about bodies and desire. I learnt about looking at people and their homes and seeing them in ways that you do not get to see people otherwise. I did not have access to understanding that there were other ways and interactions to have my desires met that I didn’t require me to become slightly inebriated in order to engage in full-on sexual activity with someone I had only known for a few hours.

I didn’t know this until I actually received the Sex Education that was never given to me prior. I had conditioned myself to Sex First, than Intimacy. I know this because I went through Surrogate Partner Therapy training in which building intimacy came first, sex after… And it was SO HARD FOR ME. I faced so many of my own internal struggles when I did not have the option to dive into the deep end first. AND. The space given to not jump into the deep end, allowed me the opportunity to actually stop and listen to my body and what my desires actually were.

I love all of the bodies I have ever engaged with. Those who I can recall easily and fondly, and those who I honestly could not tell you more than two details about. I appreciate the expanse of how much information I gained from these interactions. I stand where I am now, someone who professionally engages in intimate spaces and relationships with a huge variety of people, and I’m like “OF COURSE”. Of course I was so compelled by sex and intimacy. Of course I didn’t have much desire to move slowly.

I envision landscapes of time that are not linear. I imagine myself now, so deeply steady and playful in all of the ‘in-between’ moments of intimate connections, calling my younger self into these interactions… like that question that goes around: What advice would you tell your younger self? (And I feel all sorts of expectations that I would begin to criticize my actions instead of lovingly support a version of myself that was learning)… but this is what I would say:

“Hey! Caitlin [that was my name then]… this feels fun and exciting, eh? The novelty of engaging naked with someone new. Go ahead, girl. PLAY. Get it. It might not be great all the time, but those are the juicy moments of learning. You get to learn what it feels like to create a boundary and hold it. You get to learn what it feels like to vocalize your expectations and hold yourself accountable to them being met or not. What a gift! This path you are on is leading you somewhere incredible that only keeps getting better. Notice the resistance around you, but pay it no mind. You know who you are and you know how to be with the choices you make. I love you.”

About pleasure

Content Warning: i mention briefly the many variations of what can interrupt experiences of pleasure: trauma, shame, guilt, capitalism, colonialization, sexual assault, chronic illness, disability, pregnancy, childbirth/c-sections, addictions, death

i often will talk about the privilege of pleasure that has existed in my life.

i stand in many spaces as a ‘pleasure educator’ and in doing so i am standing in a celebration of the pleasure that i am able to feel run through my body at the trace of a finger, the orgasmic energy rattling up and down my spine in waves when i experience sexual pleasure, the trance states of deeply embodied eroticism. it has taken me some undoing to feel the guilt about having access to such beautiful gifts in my body, as this pleasure, i have learned, is not so easily accessible to other bodies.

so let’s talk about the privilege of pleasure.

i grew up feeling safe in my home, for the most part. my family had it’s fair share of dramatic undertones that occasionally would emerge from the world of ‘adult-land’ and impact my nervous system in the hushed tones and worried expressions, but nothing actually ever happened that shook my nervous system over the edge. i slept in a warm home that my mother loved to decorate and curate. i ate nutritious food that was always in bountiful supply. i had clothes i enjoyed wearing, i felt safe to start exploring online dating at the ripe young age of 17. in a nutshell: i felt really safe navigating my desires in this world. of course, my Polish-Welsch ancestry is relevant to my experiences of feeling safe in the world. as is my able-bodiedness, my “desirability,” my access to education, and living as a “white” person in Canada (the benefits of which do not apply to the Indigenous communities that this land was stolen from), and a strong family unit that I knew I could lean on if I ever needed to.

i often will use the concept of a bank account as an analogy for this…

i hear “i don’t know how I would ever get to the place you are at… pleasure feels eons away.” and this is so deeply relevant to everyone’s individual journey. i started with money in my account. i had a whole childhood and teenagehood where i was making continuous deposits into my pleasure bank account. so that when i turned 27 and my life was suddenly open to the world of somatic sex education, i was ripe for it.

for folks who have not had this pleasure privilege, the sense of continued safety in their own homes and bodies, the privilege to navigate relationships, sex, and dating at earlier stages in life, access to information and support, or maybe did have all of those things but also had a myriad/or one of the following: shame and/or guilt about pleasure, big “T” or little “t” trauma (emotional, sexual, relationally problematic relationships, any mis-directionality of care [parent expecting or requiring care from children], physical health disruptions that impact access to pleasure (chronic illness, disability [depending on the person, this one may have more to do with access than ability], surgeries, pregnancy, childbirth/c-sections, accidents, etc.), experiences of sexual assault, the Very Real impact of colonialization on your country and culture, histories/current experiences with addictions (drug use, but also including: porn use, food, exercise, devices, any use of anything repetitively to distract away from the sensation of the feelings your body would feel otherwise), the grief associated with the death of loved ones, the forced ideals of capitalism as a mindset that pushes you out of your body and into your head in attempts to survive in this economy.

all of these things, and i’m sure a whole other list of things that have not been mentioned here, are factors that may play into your ability to be present in pleasure, to even notice that pleasure is happening. it may just feel like your bank account is in overdraft. that you keep trying to make deposits (be present, breath, try to touch yourself mindfully, allow your partner to engage with you, kiss that person, dance, etc) and it may feel like still nothing is happening.

and this is just to say that if you keep going, someday something will shift. it may not happen from practicing what you are currently doing, but setting the intention to live your fullest most embodied and pleasure-filled life, will continue to open doors as to how to get there.

somatic sex education is one of those doors.

in ease and savouring,

Casia

Reimagining yourselves

how do you want to be in this world?

where do you feel alignment in your personhood and where does it feel just the littlest bit out of place?

permissioning myself and whoever may want it that at any point in your life: you get to choose which parts you want to focus on, which parts you want to change, how you want to move amongst those you love and your connections.

how can you love your being deeper? what is it calling for?

a different name? a name that rings true in your heart and settles into your womb-space?

new art forms? new patterns? where is there stuckness and how can you unstick?

feel into your genitals and ask what they need. if you are looking for alignment in your body the conversation must include them.

i look into my future and imagine myself and the ease of love in my heart, the breath around the e-motion that comes rolling forth, the relationship to my clothing (as second-hand as i can find, carefully caretaking beautiful pieces and hand-mending holes and stains), my relationship to food (deep sustenance, fuel for my being, noticing the intricacies of how what i put into my body impacts my energy/mood/physical wellness, accepting delicious and decadent gifts my Beloved presents me, adapted to my vegan preferences), my relationship to movement and activity (i went to my first contemporary dance class last week… it is as familiar as it was when i was 15: my body forgets the steps, my heart loves the rhythm. i stretch nightly to find where there is tightness inside me, where there are places that need tending to so i can continue to have spaciousness when the universe is most asking it of me), my relationship to pleasure (where all of these children that have appeared in my life require so much i often am searching for moments of solitude and quiet, moments i can drop all responsibility and notice the exquisite lushness of sensations in my own body, reminders and affirmations of how stunning it is to exist as a human on this earth), my relationship to mumma earth (where i am leaning into gardening and noticing how my nervous systems SETTLES deeply and quickly after 10 minutes of playing with the plants in the dirt, where i am astonished when i lay my body against the ground and Feel Grounded. who would’ve thunk).

choose your directions. where/what/who do you want to move towards?